An Exclusive Interview With Sundar Pichai: A Sneak Peak at the Google Pixel

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Sundar Pichai

Tim Cook Sundar Pichai unveiled the Google Pixel on 4th October 2016, at the Google event and not surprisingly, a few Android fans waited with bated breath to see what Google had kept hidden up their sleeves. And they weren’t disappointed.

Sundar Pichai, in his cool American-Indian accent, stood in front of the suspiciously Apple-styled presentation and disclosed what he thinks is the future of phones: AI.

Sure Google, let’s pretend other companies haven’t already done that.

And then came the big unveil. The iPixel:

Google Pixel Color options

Color options to invoke conversion

Yes, it’s the new iPhone from Google; Just thicker and uglier, and monikered as iPixel; With a fingerprint sensor where the Apple logo is supposed to be; And an aluminum body, only ruined by a glass top. Basically, they wanted the best of iPhone 4 and iPhone 7.

Well played Google.

We were able to score an exclusive interview with none other than Sundar Cook himself. Here’s all you need to know about the new iPixel.

The Interview:

Me: Hey Sundar, you look pretty. How have you been?

Sundar: Playing around with my name, huh? Don’t take me for a fool. I may not look like it, but I’m Google’s CEO.

11880247_10205116749627015_942800679_sundar_pichai_trolled

Me: Focus on the new phone, Sundar. Tell us about the new iPixel.

Sundar *getting excited*: Well, yes. That’s what you came here for, isn’t it? Look, Apple’s known for their remarkable integration of hardware and software which is one of the factors why the iOS is so stable and provides a seamless user experience.

It’s not only that, though, their tight control over the features, their design philosophy, and basically, everything Apple does is phenomenal. I can…

Me: Let’s stick to Android and iPixel, shall we?

Sundar: Sure, sure. And it’s Google Pixel, not iPixel. Anyway, you must be aware of how crappy Android has always been. So we decided to do something about it. We’re taking control of our software and hardware to integrate the two better and provide an enhanced user experience. No other phone company in the world does that.

The result of our brainstorming is the iPixel. And it’s unbelievable what we’ve made. Wanna see?

Me: You said iPixel too, Sundar. It doesn’t matter, though. Tell us how you came up with the design of the obnoxiously innovative phone?

Sundar: What does obnoxiously mean?

Me: It means beautiful.

Sundar: Oh, thank you. It’s just that we wanted to do something different. We wanted to be unique in every aspect; wanted to stand out; change how people perceive the future of the smartphone. We wanted to move forward. So we did what every other company does.

We copied Apple.

However, plagiarism is something we help people all over the world avoid with our numerous tools, and we are not here to set a bad example.

We studied the iPhone’s design carefully for a year, and as many of our Android compatriots will agree, it’s ugly.

phptogzix

Our engineers took the game a little further though and created an even uglier phone so that there is less resemblance to iPhone. Look at the antenna bands on iPixel; copied from yours truly.

See the difference? No? Shit.

Look at the aluminum design on the back. However, we’re far smarter than the folks at Apple. Our engineers put half-glass half-aluminum on the back. Now people can’t say we copied Apple at all.

Although secretly, I love how the iPixel looks like iPhone 7 as well as iPhone 4. Don’t put this in the interview, though.

Isn’t it amazing how the human mind works?

Me: Yeah, so amazing. Much wow. What about other features btw? Android fans have always bashed the iPhone for its non-removable battery and no MicroSD support. How many MicroSD cards can the iPixel support?

Sundar: Yeaaaaahhh. Well… Look. You need to understand a few things here. We have the headphone jack. The Holy headphone Jack man!

And no camera bump. But that might be because our phone is so thick, so let’s ignore that.

And we also have the headphone jack. So yeah.

Me: That’s more than enough talk Sundar. Just tell us about the price of the new phone, because a lower price tier is probably the only way you can kill the iPhone off with. I’m sure it’s the same as the cheap Nexus lineup, right?

Sundar: What part of ‘we copied Apple’ did you not understand? When I say we copied, I mean it. The entry level iPixel… wait, let me confirm if it’s the iPixel or just Pixel.

Ah, forget it. Prices start at $649 for the 32GB version and go up to $769 for the 128GB version Google Pixel.

iPhone 7 pricing

If you know the price of iPhone, you know the price of iPixel. Well played, Google well played indeed.

Me: Such original pricing. Much wow factor. People are gonna flock over and buy the iPixel in trucks, aren’t they?

Sundar: You said it.

Me: Sundar, thank you so much for your time. Although I’d have been better off staring at walls.

At this point, Sundar Pichai realized I was being a little sarcastic and started showing cold shoulder.

Some Android fans just can’t hide the thrill and anticipation of finally getting hands on a phone that looks eerily like the iPhone, but they can smugly claim that it’s an Android phone. While it may look like the iPhone, unfortunately, it will never give you Android peasants the experience of iOS. They will still have to use buggy apps and hanging phones for all they know.

So much for copying Apple, Sundar.

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