Tim Cook unveiled the new iPhone on 4th October in a Google event… wait, that was Sundar Pichai unveiling the iPixel. Not surprisingly, a horde of Android fans awaited with bated breath to see what Google had kept hidden up their sleeves, and they didn’t disappoint.
Sundar Pichai, in his half-baked American accent stood in front of the suspiciously Apple-styled Presentation and disclosed what he thinks is the future of phones: AI.
Sure, Sundar, let’s pretend other companies haven’t already thought of that.
And then the big unveil. The iPixel:
Yes, it’s the new ugly iPhone. Just thicker and uglier. And monikered as iPixel (without the ‘i’ of course).
As usual, our ninjas were able to score for us an exclusive interview with none other than Mr. Pichai himself. Here’s all you need to know about the new iPixel.
Me: Hey Sundar, you look pretty. How have you been?
Sundar: Playing around with my name, huh? Don’t take me for a fool. I’m Google’s CEO.
Me: Focus on the new phone, Sundar. Tell us about the new iPixel.
Sundar (getting excited): Well, yes. That’s what you came here for isn’t it? Look, Apple’s known for their remarkable integration of hardware and software which is one of the factors why the iOS is so stable and provides a seamless user experience. It’s not only that though, their tight control over the features, their design philosophy, and basically everything Apple does is phenomenal…
Me: Let’s stick to Android and iPixel, shall we?
Sundar: Sure, sure. And it’s Pixel, not iPixel. Anyway, you must be aware of how crappy Android has always been. So we decided to do something about it. We’re taking control of our software and hardware to better integrate the two and provide an enhanced user experience. No other phone company in the world does that. The result of the decision is the iPixel. And it’s unbelievable what we’ve made. Wanna see?
Me: You said iPixel. Doesn’t matter though. Tell us how you came up with the design of the obnoxious iPixel?
Sundar: What does not obnoxious mean?
Me: It means beautiful.
Sundar: Oh thank you. So we wanted to do something different. We wanted to be unique in every aspect. We wanted to stand out. We wanted to change how people perceive the future of the phone. We want to move forward. So we did what every other company does.
We copied Apple.
However, plagiarism is something we help people all over the world avoid with our numerous tools, and we are definitely not here to set a bad example. We studied the iPhone’s design carefully for a year, and as many of our Android compatriots will agree, it’s ugly.
Our engineers took the game a little further though and created an even uglier phone so that there is less resemblance to iPhone. Look at the antenna bands on iPixel; copied from yours truly.
Look at the aluminium design on the back. However, we’re far smarter than the folks at Apple. Our engineers put a glass on the back, which is supposed to aluminium like the iPhone, so that people don’t see the resemblance. Isn’t it amazing how the human mind works?
Me: Yeah, so amazing. Much wow. What about other features btw? Android fans have always bashed iPhone for its non-removable battery and no MicroSD support. How many MicroSD cards can the iPixel support?
Sundar: Yeaaaaahhhh… Wellllllll…… Look. You need to understand a few things here. We have the headphone jack. And NO CAMERA BUMP. But that might be because our phone is thick and ugly.
And we also have the headphone jack.
Me: That’s more than enough talk Sundar. Just tell us about the price of the new phone, because a lower price tier is probably the only way you can kill the iPhone off with. I’m sure it’s the same as the Nexus lineup?
Sundar: What part of ‘we copied Apple’ did you not understand? When I say we copied, I mean it. The entry level iPixel… wait, let me confirm if it’s the iPixel or just Pixel.
Doesn’t matter though. Prices start at $649 for the 32GB version and goes upto $749 for the 128GB version.
Me: Such original pricing. Much wow factor. People are gonna flock over and buy the iPixel in trucks aren’t they?
Sundar: You said it.
Me: Sundar, thank you so much for your time. Although I’d have been better off talking to a wall.